It's been nine years since my mother died.

It's been two days since I found out Pamela is dying.

I went to my mother's grave on the anniversary of her death, and found Pamela there. She wanted to talk to me, and I dismissed her. After all, she'd vanished right after the funeral, disappearing with her share of LuthorCorp stock to keep her a wealthy woman.

I loved her every bit as much as I loved my mother, and I lost both of them in the same week.

I saw her again the next day, lying in wait for me when I got home from the plant. She told me my father had blackmailed her into staying away, that she'd loved me like a son. She asked for my forgiveness.

And I threw her out. But not before I accused her of lying to my mother on her death bed.

Why on earth did I think my father was above blackmailing her?

My mind remained on my childhood for the rest of the day and well into the evening, until I knew I couldn't stand being alone any longer. If I'd been in Metropolis, I'd have headed straight for one of the more popular clubs to get thoroughly drunk and high, and to pick up a companion for the evening. But I wasn't in Metropolis.

So I went to Clark's.

I found him in his loft, reading "Mars and Venus". Before making fun of him properly, I lied and told him that I'd only come by to discuss the settlement with his parents. I wasn't ready to get into the more private details of my dysfunctional childhood.

Clark told me Chloe had feelings for him. Well, actually he told me that he had these two friends who had feelings for him, but I wasn't in the mood to speak in hypotheticals and spelled it out for him myself. I could've told him months ago that Chloe wanted him. Clark's not very observant sometimes.

Most of the time, actually.

Clark's afraid that if he acts on his feelings for Chloe, he'll lose any chance with Lana, and possibly screw up his friendship with both girls. I told him if he chose to think that way, he might as well give up on both of them.

He decided he'd rather stick with the book.

Then he asked me if I'd ever been in love.

I told him I'd only ever loved two women, although I was not in love with either; one died, the other betrayed me. He expressed his sympathies, and I replied with the truth. Some people are meant to be alone. If he noticed that I didn't exactly answer his question, he didn't comment on it.

Then his mother showed up, and although she had distressing news to deliver regarding Clark's principal she still took a moment of her time out to say hello to me.

If Clark noticed that I'd obviously not discussed any settlement issues with her or Mr. Kent, he still chose not to comment.

My father flew out to see me the next day. I immediately knew there was something suspicious going on when he informed me he was selling Cadmus Labs. Obviously he could have told me that over the phone, and I said as much to him.

That's when he admitted he knew Pamela had been around.

I asked him if he'd come to disinherit me.

Dad chuckled, and then began to tell me that my mother had poor taste in help.

I can count the times my father's mentioned my mother since her death on one hand. He may as well have outright admitted that Pamela's story was true. Whether or not he would have actually disinherited me is another matter.

Then he told me he suspected Pamela had come after my money. I pointed out she had plenty of her own, he said the stock had probably been eaten up by hospital bills.

Dad seemed genuinely surprised Pamela hadn't informed me of her condition.

She has cancer.

He then asked me exactly what Pamela wanted, if not money. I told him the truth, that she wanted my forgiveness. He chuckled, and said that was proof enough that she didn't know me very well.

Then he left.

I waited, and thought. Alright, I brooded.

Then I went to the hospital.

Pamela told me my mother would be proud of me.

I wish like hell I could believe her.

She said other things, too. That she cared about me, that she wished she could have been there to help me grow-up. She said that just my being there at the hospital showed the kind of man I was. I can't help but feel if I'd had her presence in my life through the years after my mother's death I'd be able to believe her when she says my mother would be proud.

The hospital just called to tell me Pamela's dead. I'd barely hung up the phone when it rang again, this time it was Clark, telling me that the quarterback's father just died.

I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight.

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